No Longer Invisible

You know what sucks? People notice me now. Okay, so you may say that that's a good thing. I say it's not. It means that people compliment me on my shoes, then I have to say something nice back about them...this leads to conversation. That, my friend, is like yanking a frog out of a pond and throwing it at the ceiling. People actually saw me. Therefore, that lead to conversation. Which I don't do. I mean, I can ACT like a normal, sane, person, but in truth, I'm not oh so sane. Actually, I'm quite the opposit. I'm not a sane normal person. I'm a weirdo who dreams about quotation marks. But it's not like I can just go up to someone and say "hey, what color do you think purple flowers should be? you know, other than purple". That's the kind of thing I say. Most people don't hear me. Actually, I was nice and invisable this morning. I went to my locker and my friend's locker was four down from mine, then five minutes later she was all, "hey andrea! i didn't see you!" This happens a lot. You know with variations...sometimes they just can't recognise me. People have actually asked me if I try to look as different as possible every day. I kinda do like to mix it up a bit. You know, dye my hair every once in a while, cut it shorter...try different make-up, dress in clothes that i haven't worn in years....i haven't grown much. I actually have a lot of clothes...and i never wear the same shoes two days in a row...unless it's winter, i only have one pair of winter boots. But that's not the point. The point is that half the time, people don't see me and half the time people don't recognise me. So usually I'm never seem. Except the new kids don't know that. They see me. And it's creepy. Most of the time, I'm just the girl who reads books in the corner. Okay, so not the corner. And I do have friends. They're just used to having me randomly start staring at the wall for ten minutes straight. Of course, after ten minutes, they usually say "andrea, lunch time is for EATING, you know..." Except that I don't like lunch. So I don't always eat it. Actually, I usually don't. But if I actually eat with my friends instead of in the band room or choir room or classroom (usually french, but this year I want to eat in the math room), well, if i actually eat with my friends, then they usually force me to eat lunch. Which isn't enjoyable. And I'm usually not hungry. But then they remind me that I didn't eat lunch...so I have to eat half a sandwhich or whatever to keep the peace. But the point is, people usually don't notice me. Partly because I don't want them to. Partly because I'm just the type of person who gets ignored. And partly because I don't see them. If you asked me everyone's name, I wouldn't know the answer. And I don't care. I live in my own world. In my world, I get to see everyone differently. Yeah, I lable people. Yeah, I see the groups that people are in. Yeah, I see their social status. But do you honestly think that it MATTERS to me? Because it totally doesn't. I try to see who the person really is. Not who they pretend to be. Sometimes its hard. Sometimes I don't find the answer. Sometimes I don't like the answer I find. But that's okay. I'll live with it. That's life. We get answers to questions that we don't want. But we have to get the answers we don't want to get the answers that we DO want. That's life. Get used to it. It wont change but we will.