Random x 3

Okay, so I've got a few things to say. One, I updated my quote blog with some random quotes that my friends said. It's hilarious. I haven't updated recently cuz of issues invovling my parents being nosy. Not fun. So now I have some things to say....:


1) During chapel a few days ago there was a fantasic metaphor that went unnoticed due to the fact that it was an "accident". You see, the dude who was talking to us made a little snowman out of clay and while he was talking about Creation and all that (we're going back to Genisis here, peeps) his little snowman (clayman?) fell over. DON'T YOU GUYS SEE WHAT THAT MEANS??? Okay, so I see it as we fall down all the time, and only the One who made us (God) can pick us back up because we CAN'T do that on our own. So I basically thought that it was mega-cool, but stupid that I was the only one who seemed to notice.


2) A few days ago at school we had a really good devotional, but (of course) i can't simply copy/paste it, so i'll just summerize. I guess it's on the same theme as the chapel thing was, it was about how God is a potter and turns us into beautiful teacups, but to do so He's gotta put us in the oven and it hurts at the time but is all worth it in the end when God can use us for all kinds of cool things. To go with that, here's a link to a song that's kinda about that, but not really. It's more about trusting God while He's working in us.

3) I saw a really cool video on the net a few days ago. I'd heard the story before through chain mail, but I think it's really cool (as in the REAL type of cool) so here's a link to that....Let's try to get it around!! I mean, really, if somethings this great, we can't just keep it to ourselves.


I guess that's it, for now. I wont get to update for a while, likely, so I guess that sucks.

Metaphore Updates

Everything I learned, I learned in Social Studies, or so I used to say. And you know what? It stands true. Well, kind of. I'm still learning from last year's Social Studies class. Okay, a long time ago before I deleted this blog, I said that my Social Studies teacher called the class homogenous (hahaha...people thought that he was calling us milk...good times, good times). As in we were all the same. But maybe he was looking at us without a microscope. Homogenous things can be either mixtures or pure substances. Maybe he was refering to us as a really well mixed mixture, as in we all look the same but really there are a lot of different particals in there. So now I'm trying to figure this out. But he said it like an insult, like he was pittying us. Wait a tick, if we're all the same, what the heck am I? A flick of dirt that got in with it? Doesn't that mean that eventually an outside force will try to take me out of the mixture? Throw me on the ground? Or is this like a kool-aide mix and I'm a chunk of undiluted powder that's eventually gonna get mixed in? Sure, let's go with that. So I'm a piece of undiluted kool-aide powder. Great. My friends are too and so maybe we're clumping together so that it's less likely for us to get into the mix with everyone....but the parts that joined last on the outside are the ones that are gonna come off first....the ones who'll be first to join the mixture....guess who joined my group of friends last? Yeps, that would be me. Which means that if any of us are gonna get pulled into the mixture, I'm gonna be first. Fun, eh? Okay, now onto an equally depressing metaphore.

Remember the whole thing with the quotation marks? Well, my english teacher was talking about quotation marks and she mentioned this book. A book that didn't use quotation marks, but because of that it all ended up feeling more real. See where this is going? If everyone weren't such quotation marks of imitation, then maybe we'd all feel more real. Nice thought, eh? Too bad it's highly unlikely. Which is what makes it depressing. Aren't I just being so happy today.

Okay, so those are my updated metaphores. Also, I can't update much cuz my parents found out about my blog so I've gotta keep it a secret adress while I can....Okay, I should go now...

One of Those Days

So, today I had one of those days. You know, one of those days when you wake up then go right back to sleep not wanting to face the world. Then you wake up again, twice as tired, knowing that you have to wake up cuz it's only thuresday. With that sad realization you go out of bed, then nearly barf at the smell of breakfast because the idea of eating is just that discusting. Then you end up being forced by your mother to eat breakfast even though you tell her that you're not feeling well. At that, she gives you a pill, which you nearly choke on, then you go to school not bothering to brush your hair. When you get to school, your friend greets you and starts babbling about something to do with Mayan hiroglyphs. You go to your first class, science, and sadly realise that you cannot sleep through it because you are doing an experiment. At this, you begin to babble about giant magnets. Then, when the teacher says that your idea having to do with the giant magnets is really great (your group didn't listen to you) you get to tell them "I told you so" but still feel slightly angry because they didn't listen to you the first time. Just then, the bell rings and you go to your next class, french, which you dispise. When you get there, you realise something....that you have a test that day. Which you didn't study for. And that you spent the past few classes reading a book so you're slightly behind and don't know what the test is on. So, you take the test, screwing it up really badly, then spent the rest of the class reading while you slowly realise that you didn't do your social studies homework and that you have that class BEFORE lunch so you can't do it then. So, you do the homework during french class, and luckily finish in time. From there, you proceed to go to gym class where you end up playing volleyball which you incidently suck at and you accidently run into the net, and get hit in the head multiple times with the ball. So after that, you go to social studies where you realise that you didn't in fact, have to do that homework that you worked so hard to finish during french class when you could of been napping/reading. You spend the entire class basically sleeping with your eyes open while the class goes over the test that you failed. Then the bell rings and you go to lunch, during which your friends make you eat even though you really don't want to due to the amount of tired that you are. Then you have math, which you read through because it's just that easy. You get some homework, but let's ignore that fact because it's just homework. Then you have a spare. A wonderful, glorious spare, which you spend with your friends debating human stupidity as always. After that, you go to english class, which is thankfully a reading class, then the teacher asks you to tell her about the book that you recently read and you have to tell her about the book so that she'll give you marks for reading it. Then class is over and you get to go home. So, you make your wall through the jungle of idiots to your locker, trying to ignore all the mean things that they're saying about you, and everything in your locker falls out right onto you. This takes a while to clean up, but eventually, you leave. Of course, you forget your clarinet which would have been nice to take home and practice, but you got out in one piece. You then hop into the car, realising (slowly) that your little brother is in the front seat and has control of the radio (NOOOOOOOO) and put on a bit of a show because of it. Of course, you are exceedingly tired and have no energy whatsoever to debate this. Luckily, you make a run for the computer and get it first (MUAHAHAHA) and you slowly wake up because you shove some chocolate chips into your mouth knowing that you shall regret it later.

That was my day. It sucked.

Real

I've had it. Try as I do, I just don't feel real. I am internally screaming in agony. How can I feel real? HOW???? I have read books, I've practically writen books, and I have thought about this topic day in a day out. HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL REAL? Do you get it? I'm fake. There is no other option. Either your real or your fake. NO INBETWEEN. OR EVEN IF I WAS FAKE I WOULD BE MORE REAL THAN I AM NOW! See? I'm nothing. NOTHING. Sometimes I feel real, but only when I'm riding my bike in the rain or when I'm at the climax of a piece of music. I have to DO something to feel real. Which isn't fair. Or maybe, I'm real. Maybe, I'm just so real that I see the fake parts of me more clearly than most people would. Or do. People don't realise it when I lie. People don't realise it when I live a lie. People don't realise it when I'm acting. People don't realise it when I'm playing pretend. PEOPLE DON'T GET TO SEE ME, THEY JUST SEE SOME MASK! The sad part is, I don't know how to get rid of it. I don't know how to be myself. I can't be myself. It just doesn't work that way. It's like I'm watching some sort of reality show. There are people who are real, people who are acting, and people who are just watching it all happen. I'm one of those people watching it all happen. I don't even get to be FAKE! I'm just invisible. Does that mean that I should want to be fake? Is that how to be real? I used to be fake, but then I got all mega-obsessed with being real. I didn't realise what I was giving up. I didn't realise that fake was better than invisible. Or is it? Maybe it's more like nothing is worth being fake for. Not even feeling real. But I'm at the point where I would do anything to be real. I don't care if it involves a bit more acting. I don't care if I never end up real, I just don't wanna be invisible. DOESN'T ANYONE UNDERSTAND THAT? I don't care if I have to get hurt to feel real. I don't care if when I try being real I crash and burn. Cuz that way I'd of at least tried. So...what do I do?

Silence

I remember, last summer at band camp, the conductor was trying to explain something to us...an amazing something. She tried to explain silence. The fact is, we can never truely EVER experience silence on this earth. We can still hear the world around us, the lights buzzing above us, and even our own breathing. We will never experience silence, but we can come pretty close. At least, we can come close if we're comparing almost-silence to the world around us. I mean, we ALWAYS hear noise. We can't avoid a lot of it. The fact is, half the time we don't notice it. I mean, I'm one of those people who constantly has to listen to music. It's just how I work. But, today in chapel, we touched on this topic. We touched on the idea of silence. It was really ironic, how it happened. We started chapel with music, and halfway through the second song, I totally lost my voice. I mean, I've been kinda sick for a while, and today I was coughing a lot, but I didn't think that I was sick enough to lose my voice. But I did. Then, it turned out, the guest speeker who was gonna come, was sick, so they had gotten a video for us to watch. It was probably totally random, but I've got a youtube link to ithttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzpF2aCZN-8
Anyways, we watched that and it was depressing. All through that video about silence, people were whispering, tapping their feet, doing ANYTHING to avoid silence. It's like people are afraid of it. Afraid of silence. It's weird, really, how people don't like silence. I like it, mostly because I greatly dislike noise. But here's what I think. I think that we don't need silence to experience it...I think that all it takes is the ability to block out the rest of the world, with something other than just a louder sound, like a mp3. Because you know what? If we want to hear God, we need silence. It's like in band class...our band teacher wont talk til everyone is quiet. God's like that, cuz He isn't gonna raise His voice, He's just gonna talk however loud He wants and it's our responsibility to be quiet enough to listen. So maybe we should try something....maybe we should try to be quiet...you know, like right before you wake up, how you are totally silent, not even thinking anything. Just a moment of real silence, is worth a day of noise.

History

No, I'm not gonna talk about history question...do you think I'm a nerd or something? I mean, we all know that I'm not only a nerd, I'm an oboe-savy-clarinet-aholic band nerd! Anyways, I actually have a quote...."History repeats itself" the quote is its own proof. I've heard that quote EVERYWHERE and its repeated. So yeah, stuff gets repeated, so why not history? The fact that we had a world war two is basically proof enough. But look at your daily schedule. It repeats itself. Its never exactly the same, but still repetitive. Which is what we're looking at. I don't know...I really don't think that there's much else to say on this topic, so I'll let all you non-existent readers figure out what it means for yourselves.

Transformation

Okay, as some of you may know, I go to a youth group. A couple weeks ago, we were talking about transformation, what it means to be transformed, how we can get transformed and the effort that that takes. To start this off, I'm gonna give you a definition for the word. I just looked it up in the dictionary and it sucked. So, as we all know, I'm gonna have to make one up.
Transformation means to change form.
Easy enough? Good, cuz my definition is way better than the complicated one in the dictionary. Anyways, can anyone guess what Bible verse(s) go with it? Come on, we all know where this is going...at least, if you know me, then you know where this is going. The leads to one of my favorite Bible verses, but also one of my least favorites. Of course, we often don't like things that we are afraid of. The power in this verse frightens me, cuz it's just that amazing. Its one of those verses that everyone knows, but that they so rarely look closesly enough at it. So....any guesses? Okay, I'll just tell you already. Romans 12:2 "2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Yes, I know, I've practically stalked this quote, and now it's stalking me right back. I mean, seriously, what are the chances of it being mentioned in youth group on the FIRST DAY? I mean, it's not sky-high, it's like....grass high. I mean, there's a chance, but I honestly didn't expect it. So, of course, we started thinking about what transformation means. I guess we can go with a fairly common metaphore, and say that it's like a caterpiller turning into a butterfly...wait a second, I'm sure I can come up with something more original...Okay, so it's like when your learning a song for band class. At first, it kinda sucks...actually, it really sucks, cuz unless you're some sort of super-sightreader, it's gonna sound worse than crap the first time 'round. So that's how we start. Now, we can do this one of two ways. We could start by working on little bits and pieces of the song and keep moving forward from there, or we could try to change it all at once. It's fairly obvious what we do. We have to work on it chunk by chunk til at least part of it doesn't sound like an ugly, dying squirrel that was put in a toaster to burn to it's doom. Actually, we try to get the song to the point where people might actually like listening to it. So that's like transformation. If we want to transform our lives like it says in the Bible, it says "renewing of your mind"...now comes the question: "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?" It says we've gotta let God make the change by changing the way we think. Which implies that we change the way that we think of the world around us. But we can't do that all at once, we can't just wake up one day and have that be reality. We have to pick a certain aspect of our lives, work at that a while, then keep moving to the rest of our lives til it's not half bad. But we can't do this alone. We need help. We need God to help us cuz God is like this teacher/instructor/conductor or whatever you wanna think of Him as. Like, we could learn the song on our own, but then we need someone to line up the performance...we have to have a reason to learn the song, so God's the dude who makes that happen. I mean, someone's gotta line up a gig. He tells us when we should use our transformed life to help others. He places us in situations where we are needed. So, I guess that's what transformation means...I guess that's how we apply it...I guess that's why we need it. I mean, do you wanna keep playing that squirel-in-the-toaster song? Ummm...no. Cuz nobody wants to hear that and nobody wants to put up with that noise. That's why we need to transform...cuz otherwise, our lives suck. Maybe not suck bad, but they could be better. I mean, if all the squirel ever knows is the misery of the dreaded toaster, how should he know that a couple shelves over, there's a window where he can get outside and live his happy little squirel life in a tree? So, that's basically why we need to allow God to work in us and transform us. Cuz transformation isn't just a word, it's the way to life.

Music

I just realised something today. We had to play a sffzs today during band as part of a song we were working on and the teacher said that there was beauty in everyone being able to be exactly the same. Also, in band, not everything is equal. Now, let's think, in the world we live in, people seem to think that being the same is a good thing (globalization comes to mind) and peole have this false idea that people aren't equal. So what am i getting at? I'm getting at the fact that music has a way of taking everything that society says is "right" and we turn it into something amazing. Because if we played all the notes exactly equally, it wouldn't be as musical. If we were all over the place with the music, it would be a mess. So I guess we can take this two different ways. We can say that society is just one big song and we can go along with what the world says 'cus it works in music. Or we could say that things can be wrong, but everything has a good side. Let's just go with the second way and say that music has a way of doing what people are told to do, and making it perfect. Because in truth, music transforms us from idiotic humans to wonderful inventors. The composer of a song leaves it up to us to make it beautiful. We get the opportunity to finish the painting...we get to create! When we do this, it's so amazing. We stop being whoever we've been acting like all our lives and we are finally ourselves, but we also belong. We also get to be part of something bigger. 'Cus when I'm singing or playing music of any kind, I feel more real. And that's something that I've been thinking about a lot...whether or not I'm real. Sometimes it's like I'm not real. Sometimes it's like I'm dreaming and none of this is really happening. I've tried all kinds of things to make me feel more real....actually, I have a quote..."People who read aren't saticified with their life, so they try to live someone else's". Someone once said that to me. Yeah, sometimes I read to escape this world. Sometimes I read to be in someone else's shoes. Because you know what? Sometimes you just get tired of being in your own shoes. Sometimes you need a break. Which brings me to another quote: "Not everything made you stronger. It was possible to survive, yet still be crippled for your trouble. Sometimes it was okay to run away, to skip the test, to chicken out. Or at least to get some help. "-Midnighters, Scott Westerfeld. I've been thinking about that a lot. Actually, I wrote that quote on my french binder ('cus whoever said "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" has never attended a high school french class) Anyways, the point is, saying that everything makes you stronger, is bogus. Not everything makes you stronger, so sometimes when we need to escape our world, we need to, be it by music, books, sports, writing, or basically anything. People say that I live in my own little world, and that's kinda true. I don't like our world that much, so I live by the whole "I regect your reality and substitute my own" thing. I don't like the way the world is, so I ignore it and go off to live in Dreamland, Planet Elsewhere. At least, that's what it says on my blogger profile for where I live. Mostly cuz it's true, I don't live on earth, at least, not entirely. I live in a much nicer place where my imagination goes wild and where quoation marks can talk. Actually, I sometimes visit other people's imaginary worlds...aka I read books. Cuz those imaginary worlds are pretty cool too. So yeah, I've gotten really off topic from music, and that's fine. Topics are for idiots. Plus, this relates to music cuz music takes me to a whole other world. Actually, let's quote animal planet and say "Same planet, different world"...so yeah, that sums it up nicely. Oh and then there's my band teacher's theory. Okay, so I breath normally about as much as a normal person when they sleep (my band teacher laughed when I said that I "breath half as much as a normal person"...he was all "so you've gotten to the point where you don't even try to include yourself with the average?"...back to "topic") anyways, I breath half as much as a normal person, and that is about how much people breath while they sleep. And apparently I'm "always tired" and I bump into a lot of things, so therefore, I'm sleepwalking. That explains why I say so many random things (music spoons come to mind) and why I am so clumsy. So apparnetly I'm sleepwalking through life. To that, I say that I am metaphorically sleep walking through life. In normal terms, I mean that I'm not paying an ounce of attention to the world around me, so it's almost like I am sleepwalking. So yeah. But I never sleep during math class. Actually, I got really mad at my friend when she fell asleep during math. But I don't blame her, we're doing graphs. And graphs suck. They're just so boring!!! *warning...math rant about to begin*. When we graph something, we put wrong information onto a poorly organized chart (tjart...lol) and we make it look pretty. Whatever happended to just nice, normal, data that didn't have to be color-coded? What happened to the beautiful simplicity of mathematics? Because graphs are NOT simple...they are a complicated way to show outdated statictics. I mean, my math text book is so old that the statictics are from 1969. Not even kidding. I mean, who cares about stats from 40 years ago enough to graph it? I mean, I know how to graph and this "practicing" is just wasting time. Honestly, if they actually looked at correct statictics they would KNOW that.

Metaphore for High School

As we all know, everything is a metaphore for high school. So, yesterday, I discovered a metaphore for high school. I went with my friend Melina on "Bus Trip To Nowhere". We went into this loud, over-heated, over-crouded bus, with garbage bags covering the window so that we couldn't see where we were going. How is this a metaphore for High School? Well, in high school, most of us aren't completely sure where we are going. Sure, we could find out if we wanted to, but that would kinda ruin the fun! At school, it's hot, over-crowded, and really loud. Just like the bus. But the thing is, you would think that when we got to our destination, we would be doing something fun. And we did do something fun, we just didn't exactly expect that we would end up at IMAX to see some documentries (which were really good, btw). So, I guess that means that even when our trip through school is done, we'll still be learning, but hopefully in not a so traditional way. We'll learn through experiences and such, like we do now. I mean, people offer me advice all the time, but do I take it? No, usually not. I trust experience and its advice far more than i trust any one person's advice. I mean, sure, sometimes we should listen to what people tell us, but listening to ourselves is an important thing that they don't teach us at school. People so often say to listen to the world around you, but I think that the advice of experience is far more trustworthy than any person, book, or comittee. I can hear my own reasoning far more clearly than anyone else's and my experience is a part of me. I know what it wants, and I know why it's telling me to do something. I guess when we get off that bus, into the real world, we'll use experience as a teacher far more than people. People make excuses. Experiences can't lie.

Box

People always say "think outside the box"...but EVERYONE says that, making it be such an IN box thing to say. This is what I think about with boxes. I don't think we can get out of this box of thought that we are locked into. Nobody wants to get out anyways, so it's not like anyone has actually bothered to find a way out. So I've narrowed it down to this: Everyone is trapped in the box, like it or not, you're in the box and there isn't a thing you or anyone else can do about it. See? We are all trapped within the box of thought that we were born into. People from Canada might be locked into a different box of thought than people in the US, but regardless of where we come from, we are all in a box. No matter what, we are born into a box. It's not like when we are born, we are thinking. It's like we have to be taught how to think and we are stuck with that train (right track, wrong track, left track, train track.....don't ask) of though for the rest of our lives. So, you may ask, how do we get born outside the box? I know. I know how to get born outside the box. If any of you have ever paid any attention in church, you've heard the phrase "born again". So I think that when we ask Jesus into our hearts, we'll be outside the box. We are reborn, outside the box. In that case, a lot of people are outside the box. But I think I'll leave you with a question: Are we really outside the box, or just in another one?

Why?

Why are people curious? Why do people get interested in the stupidest of things? Why don't people realise that they could spend their time doing something better? Why don't people see that there are lot's more ways to be spending their time. Why do people think we can only have one calling? Why do people think in generalizations? Why do people seem not to care about the people around them? Why do people ignore the unnessary. Why don't people realise that the unnessary is so often the nessessary. Why is the road to success so often confused with the road to sadness? Why do people care the pepsie and coke taste different? Why do people confuse same with equal? Why do people think that weird is wronge? Why do people think that everyone should act the same to "be polite"? Why do people get all obsessive about things that are so stupid? Why do people waste their money on clothes when they already have a lot of them? Why are people so often self-centered? Why do people like things that are familer? Why do people automatically assume that "nice" weather is warm weather? Why are the words "nice" and "normal" so often in the same sentance? Why am I asking these questions? Why do I not want answers? Why do I think that the answers would be sad? Why would the answers be sad? Why do people care about the answer so much more than the question? Why do people use so much energy getting the answer? Why don't people realise that the answer in itself is unimportant? Why do they ALWAYS use that fact against me during math? Why do they always tell me to show my work? Why can't i just hand my head in? Why do I ask all these questions yet not expect an answer? Why do I ask questions in the first place?

Don't bother answering. Just answer in your head.

Okay, reflection time!!!

It's time to pause and reflect!!! On what? A quote? No. A word? Nope, not today. A Bible verse? Close, but no metaphorical lemons. Well, what? A SONG!!! There are a couple songs that I wanna get around to reflecting on, but let's start with one. Okay, this was the first song that I sang at youth group. It's called "Priceless" by Copeland. If you recall, I had a link to it yesterday...well, I think it was yesterday. Yes, yesterday. Well, here are the lyrics:

"I remember when I'd run to you
through field of white flowers
Your embrace is my air
How I needed you there
And all of the world and
All of it's powers
Couldn't keep your love from me no
Couldn't keep your love from me

Cause I need you
Like the dragonfly's wings need the wind
Like the orphan needs home once again
Like heaven needs more to come in I need you here like you've always been

And then I waved goodbye to you
From fields of white flowers
You were so proud of me
I was too proud to see that
All of the world and
All of it's powers
Couldn't keep your love from me no
Couldn't keep your love from me
Cause I need you
Like the dragonfly's wings need the wind
Like the orphan needs home once again
Like heaven needs more to come in
I need you here like you've always been

Taking for granted (taking for granted)
... all of her smiles
That got away
And now I'm looking up to you
From fields of white flowers
You were so proud of me
I'm so proud of you
All of the world and
All of it's powers
Couldn't keep your love from me no
Couldn't keep your love from me

Cause I need you
Like the dragonfly's wings need the wind
Like the orphan needs home once again
Like heaven needs more to come in
I need you here I need you
Like the dragonfly's wings need the wind
Like the orphan needs home once again
Like heaven needs more to come in I need you here like you've always been "


Okay, so let's concentrate on what that means. Sure, it's a beautiful song, but it is far more beautiful once we know what it means. To me, it's a song about how we need God. Actually, no, it's more why we need God. It says "I need you like a dragonfly's wings need the wind" to me, that means that we need God in order to be useful. Because think about a dragonflies. They need their wings to work in order to fly. So maybe it's like God gives us the ability to fly. Because think about it. If we are like dragonflies, dragonflies need their wings to survive. It let's them get food, their wings help them meet people. So God is like our wings. He's like our survival. We need him to survive. Sure, without wings dragonflies could live a while, but they die way before they are supposed to. So without wings, we would metaphorically die. You know, conform to the patterns of the earth and all that. We need God as our wings so that we stay stronge. So that we can live. That's just what I think. I could expand more on the rest of the song, but that was the part that really jumped out at me.

YOUTH GROUP ROCKS!

YOUTH GROUP ROCKS! Okay, let me just organize my thoughts...list!
1) THANK YOU MELINA!!!!!!!!!! Without you coming with me, I totally wouldn't of gone to youth group last night! You were an angel sent from God!
2) This is the website for my youth group! http://tmpyouth.com/pneumanautics
Okay, so you are likely wondering what it was like. Well, we were late. Of course. It's like I'm always late for these things. 48 minutes late on the first day of band camp. 22 minutes late for youth group. Yeah. Yet I am NEVER late. Except sometimes. But it was okay that I was late for pneumanautics. Because until ten minutes before it started I was saying how much I hated youth group and that I was never gonna go. The first song that we sang was: http://www.actionext.com/names_c/copeland_lyrics/priceless.html
The second song was: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2MCI1HYUCA
The third song was: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M86IF0Rqt2M
It was awesome! I'm serious! I loved youth group! Okay, by now you have heard the word "pneumanautics" a lot. That's the name of my youth group. It means "to travel by the Spiret". Which is mega cool. So I'm pretty pumped. The songs were awesome. Then we did this thing with eggs....it had absolutely nothing to do with church or God or whatever. It was just eggtastical. Yeah. So youth group was seriously fun and I have a fantsaical small group. I'm going back next week. And I'm in a good mood right now. So yeah. That's kinda all I have to say right now...

i HATE this

i HATE this. I'm in a bad mood. Do you wanna know why? Because life sucks. Why? Because NOTHING EVER GOES MY WAY. NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS TO ME BECAUSE I'M JUST AN INVISIBLE NOTHING WHO HAS NO FRIENDS AND EVEN MY FRIENDS FROM YOUTH GROUP AREN'T GOING ANYMORE BECAUSE OF VOLLEYBALL AND SO NOW I HAVE NO ONE TO TURN TO EXCEPT MY JOURNAL/BLOG BUT NEITHER OF THEM ARE GONNA ANSWER BECAUSE THEY AREN'T REAL PEOPLE. So yeah. Youth group sucks because absolutely no one my age EVER comes so I'm all alone in the corner for the ENTIRE TIME. And it sucks. And so now I'm going to a new youth group...the high school one. And I just found out that everyone my age STILL aren't coming. EVEN THOUGH IT'S ON A DIFFERENT DAY THEY STILL AREN'T COMING. And let's just say that there is no force on this planet that can make me go to youth group all alone. So I'm not going. Not today, not ever. I'll just tell my mom to stop trying to work around it when planning my triathlon training and I'll just go run laps at some gym while I should be in youth group. Because I don't care about it anymore. I want to go. I want to listen to good music. I want to make new friends. But it just isn't like that. I have no friends there. I'm just not going to youth group anymore. I just don't wanna go. Sure, I'll still go to regulare church, but I'm not going to youth group. Maybe I'll go on the retreat. Maybe. But the worst part is, even though I was at home crying about this, my mom STILL made me go out to dinner with her and her friends. Of course, I basically refused and when home asap, but still. HOW CAN MY MOM EXPECT ME TO ACT LIKE IT'S ALL OKAY. TO ACT LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG. TO ACT LIKE I'M HAPPY. Because to tell you the truth, I haven't been happy in a long time. Sometimes I'm a little bit happy, but never as happy as I act. Never as happy as people assume I should be. All my life, people have constantly showed that people are supposed to be happy. Well, I've put on that act long enough. I'm sad right now. And I'm not gonna hide my tears. I'm gonna act sad. I'm gonna be a pain in the neck. I'm just gonna say how I feel, 'cus I've had enough of acting. I've had enough of hiding EVERY EMOTION BUT HAPPYNESS. We aren't allowed to be confused. We aren't allowed to be weak. We aren't allowed to be broken. People dont' like us acting like that. People don't like us acting like ourselves. We are our emotions, so we should get to show it. If I get sad, my mom tells me to smile. When I get angry, my mom tells me to act like everything is okay. Well what if it's NOT okay? What if this is just one thing too much? What if I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE? People say that when life gives us lemons to make lemonaide. I tried to make lemonaide, I honestly tried. But I got lemon juice in my eyes. The world will say to ignore it and pretend to drink lemonaide. People will say that we can't act like that. I say that I can't ignore it and I will act like that. I know this is just about me not having any friends at youth group, but it applies to everything. We don't need to do what the world tells us to do. We do need to say what people want us to say. It's okay to express how we feel. It's okay to FEEL stuff. It's not a bad thing. We shouldn't have to lie about who we are just because it's "improper". That doesn't make sense to me. So I'm saying this loud and clear "I HATE LIFE".

Again with the Lemons

By now you have likely heard every single lemon phrase or quote known to lemonkind. Actually, you probably have heard all of them if you've read this blog and the deleted blog. Here's the thing:"When life gives you lemons, it sucks, but don't suck on the lemons." Okay, so I just made that up about five minutes ago. What I mean is that when life gives you crap and life sucks to the extreme point, then you don't have to MAKE IT WORSE. You don't have to EAT THE STUPID LEMONS. You don't have to do ANYTHING with them. You don't have to make lemonaide, you don't have to make grape juice. You can just IGNORE THE DAMN LEMONS! Yes, they are lemons. Yes, life gave them to you. No, you don't have to pay them a moment of your attention. They are stupid LEMONS for crying out loud! If you get a lemon in real life, what do you do? You thow the thing OUT! It. Is. Just. A. Lemon. Except that it seems that people think that metaphorical lemons are like these super lemons that come back to you whenever you throw it away. It's true, they do come back. But you can just ignore them! They wont go away, but maybe they'll roll down a hill. I mean, they are rollical. So yeah. You don't have to eat the lemons...you don't have to feel bad when something bad happens. No, it's not your choice. Sometimes the lemons go a squirt themselves in your eyes. But still....if you can ignore them, ignore them. They're just lemons. I mean, if they go squirting themselves in your eyes, IGNORE IT....you know, if you can...

OH MY GOSH....

Okay, so I was gonna call this post "something to say"....now I'm freaking out because there was a song that we sang at church called "something to say" and I was trying to remember what it was called when I started blogging and wrote down "something to say"....cool. Yeah.....so anyways, I was gonna talk about how I have nothing to say, but I really do want to say something. So yeah. Now I'm trying to find it on youtube, but it's tricky....apparently there are lots of songs called "something to say"....so yeah. Oh....I can't find it. It's not there. It's like last time this happened. Just like last time. Sometimes at church we sing songs and I spend forever looking for them but they're gone. Just gone. GONE. I just CAN'T FIND IT. It's gone. I can't find it. I shouldn't of even bothered looking for it. This means something. I swear, it means something. It was a good thing I looked for it. Sometimes people don't look for stuff because they are afraid that they wont find anything...they'd rather think that it was out there somewhere than know that it isn't anywhere. I guess lots of people think along those lines. I mean, sometimes I'd rather think something than know something. It's complicated. Normally I would use quotes, but I just wasted half an hour looking for some and I didn't find any. Well, I did, but not the type that I wanted. None that explain what I need explained. I guess that is all I can say for now...

Yes, We're Back To Lemons

Okay, so I guess we all remember the whole lemon thing. You know what I'm talking about. If you don't, I'll explain what I think you should do with your metaphorical lemons that life gave you. I think that you should sell the stupid lemons and use the money to buy some dr. pepper or whatever your favorite drink is. Because, I don't like lemonaide. Or grape juice for that matter. And no, that was not as random as it sounds. We all know the quote, right? "When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it" Okay, so then we went and opened a lemon store with lemon shoes and all that. But SOMEHOW we ended up at metaphorical lemon shoes. So WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN? Okay, let's face it, NOBODY knows that it means. Let me explain some reasoning that I'm making up as I go along. You have lemons. You aren't thirsty. You want to do something useful with the lemons. So you make them into some pretty lemontastical shoes. That's it. That's what it means. What do those shoes represent, seeing as their metaphorical? I don't know. It's a METAPHORE. The shoes can represent any need that you have. Actually, a want, probably. So, WHAT ELSE can we do with our lemons? Well, we could eat them plain, but that's bad for our metaphorical teeth. Actually, teeth make EXCELLENT metaphores. Like, if you move on from a hobby, it's like losing a tooth...eventually an adult tooth will grow in. That's why our metaphorical teeth are like shark teeth, 'cus we lose them every day. Even if we don't know it, we're losing metaphorical teeth. So I guess it's no big deal if we eat the lemons, except that they might damage our metaphorical teeth. And they might not taste so good. Yeah. So what else can we do with our lemons? I guess we could make lemon pie. Or better yet, lemon pi. As in 3.14. But what IS that? Because I don't know. Yeah, so it might be a LITTLE bit weird for me to be ranting about lemons...but what are we supposed to DO with these lemons? Because I think that the best idea is to turn them into metaphorical dr. pepper, but that is a long and complicated process....you just can't do that. Yeah, you can make GRAPE JUICE, but not dr. pepper. It's confusing, I know. But seriously, what I don't get is why does nobody ever realise that you can SELL your lemons for limes or something....because if you have some lemons and some limes, I'm pretty sure that you could make metaphorical 7-up. But for that I really should consult the "Rule Book of Lemons"....which is metaphorical, of course. Or maybe I should write a "Rule Book of Lemons"....I could make it with the money that I get for selling my lemons!!! YAY!!! Okay, this is where I stop talking because for all we know I'll start ranting about quotation marks now....

My Stressful Life Has Started Up Again

Okay, so I have a slightly hectic life during the school year, so don't expect more than one update per day. So far, I only have about 3 hours of homework left, days of honor band music to learn, and i have to make some cookies. So I'm only a little busy. But I've been running lately and it's fun, so I have to go on a half hour run today....maybe longer, if I feel like it. Depends on if I have time. I mean, I have three hours of homework left (I KNOW! After two days of school!) so I'll be busy with that. I've already practiced my clarinet for three hours today because I'm trying out for the Manitoba Senior Honor Band....which is for people grades 9-12, so I'd be one of the youngest ones auditioning. So I have to make an audition tape that doesn't totally suck. So I've been doing that since I woke up. What else is there....oh, jazz band starts this week. And soon there's gonna be auditions for Junior Vocal Group, then auditions for the Musical....I don't know when basketball try outs are. And then there's triathlon training that starts in october. So that's fun. Until that all starts up I'll have time to run. Which is fun. You know, as long as I have music. So life is getting good and stressful now. Which is good. Lot's to do. I've already had a test and a quiz at school. Which is good. Except that I failed the quiz because it was a pop quiz on the first day of school. And how the heck am I supposed to know who the mayor of winnipeg is??? Okay, so i know that it's Katz. Well, now I know that. After the quiz. That I failed. With a 30%. Good thing it doesn't count for much. There's a chance that I got 100% on the math test, though. I'm good at math. One time I missed about two weeks of school because I was on vacation or whatever, then I come back and there is a math test. And I wasn't at school for the whole unit. But I still got about 96% on it. Just because I'm good at math. So I think I might of gotten 100% on the math test. It was multiple choice though....so that might be to my advantage. Yeah...so I am already mildy stressed out by school starting. Mostly because I REALLY want to get into the Manitoba Senior Honor Band. Which is hard....actually, impossible. Which means I should go practice now...

No Longer Invisible

You know what sucks? People notice me now. Okay, so you may say that that's a good thing. I say it's not. It means that people compliment me on my shoes, then I have to say something nice back about them...this leads to conversation. That, my friend, is like yanking a frog out of a pond and throwing it at the ceiling. People actually saw me. Therefore, that lead to conversation. Which I don't do. I mean, I can ACT like a normal, sane, person, but in truth, I'm not oh so sane. Actually, I'm quite the opposit. I'm not a sane normal person. I'm a weirdo who dreams about quotation marks. But it's not like I can just go up to someone and say "hey, what color do you think purple flowers should be? you know, other than purple". That's the kind of thing I say. Most people don't hear me. Actually, I was nice and invisable this morning. I went to my locker and my friend's locker was four down from mine, then five minutes later she was all, "hey andrea! i didn't see you!" This happens a lot. You know with variations...sometimes they just can't recognise me. People have actually asked me if I try to look as different as possible every day. I kinda do like to mix it up a bit. You know, dye my hair every once in a while, cut it shorter...try different make-up, dress in clothes that i haven't worn in years....i haven't grown much. I actually have a lot of clothes...and i never wear the same shoes two days in a row...unless it's winter, i only have one pair of winter boots. But that's not the point. The point is that half the time, people don't see me and half the time people don't recognise me. So usually I'm never seem. Except the new kids don't know that. They see me. And it's creepy. Most of the time, I'm just the girl who reads books in the corner. Okay, so not the corner. And I do have friends. They're just used to having me randomly start staring at the wall for ten minutes straight. Of course, after ten minutes, they usually say "andrea, lunch time is for EATING, you know..." Except that I don't like lunch. So I don't always eat it. Actually, I usually don't. But if I actually eat with my friends instead of in the band room or choir room or classroom (usually french, but this year I want to eat in the math room), well, if i actually eat with my friends, then they usually force me to eat lunch. Which isn't enjoyable. And I'm usually not hungry. But then they remind me that I didn't eat lunch...so I have to eat half a sandwhich or whatever to keep the peace. But the point is, people usually don't notice me. Partly because I don't want them to. Partly because I'm just the type of person who gets ignored. And partly because I don't see them. If you asked me everyone's name, I wouldn't know the answer. And I don't care. I live in my own world. In my world, I get to see everyone differently. Yeah, I lable people. Yeah, I see the groups that people are in. Yeah, I see their social status. But do you honestly think that it MATTERS to me? Because it totally doesn't. I try to see who the person really is. Not who they pretend to be. Sometimes its hard. Sometimes I don't find the answer. Sometimes I don't like the answer I find. But that's okay. I'll live with it. That's life. We get answers to questions that we don't want. But we have to get the answers we don't want to get the answers that we DO want. That's life. Get used to it. It wont change but we will.

Sad Statistics

These aren't the type of statistics that you read about. This is information that I have gathered. It might not be right, but it's been right for three years in a row. Last year, there were three new kids in my class. One of them was already a RTS. The other two weren't. By the end of the first week, all three of them were RTSes. This year, there were a TON of new kids. On the first day, I noticed that about half of them were RTSes. Today I noticed that they all are. See a pattern? I don't know for sure, but I think that new kids always want to fit in, so they change. Maybe it's not something that they realise. Maybe it's natural. But all the new kids are RTSes now. Just because they want to be accepted. Don't they know that there are people like me who would like them just the way they were? Don't they know that there are people like me that like accept anyone? Don't they realise that I was there the whole time? Seeing them? Seeing them change? Don't they know that they didn't have to become a RTS? Don't they know that they could of been friends with me? I talked to them! I invited them to eat lunch with me! I didn't even freak them out by babbling about the metric system! I guess that's my rant for the day. But I still don't get it. Why are so many new kids so desperate to be accepted? I've been a new kid before. I've been in their shoes. I get it. Sure, when I was a new kid in grade seven, I was a RTS. Yes, I admit it! I made the same mistake. But in a couple months, I regretted it. I couldn't stand the fighting...it was overwhelming. But that doesn't mean that I understand that there are a bunch of new kids all making my mistakes. I can't stand it. Just because I've made the same mistake, doesn't mean that it isn't a mistake. It's a big mistake. Yeah, I'm not that happy with the friends that I've made, but at least we don't fight constantly. I can't remember fighting with ANY of them. Which makes it okay that they aren't the best friends I could ever wish for. But anyways, I've made mistakes. I just don't like watching people make the same mistakes...and I don't wanna look all weird by saying to them "it's a trap! you'll hate hanging out with those people! be friends with ME!"....frankly I think that that would scare them more than anything. I can only see one new student who isn't a RTS. One. But she's becoming one, I can tell. She's been hanging out with RTSes the entire time. But I know that she reads Harry Potter. Oh. OH. Yeah, this is bad. She's hanging out with the same RTSes that I used to hang out with. She has the same hobbies as I did. She plays in band. This is like a repeat from grade seven...having to watch the same thing happen to her. Maybe on monday I'll talk to her some more...Maybe she'd want to hang out with me instead. Maybe I can end this. But wherever there's a maybe, there's also a maybe not. I just wanna help people from making the same mistakes as me. Is that so wrong? Or maybe I should let them make their mistakes. Let them screw up. Maybe they'll learn something...if they ever snap out of RTSism. Which probably wont happen. But it happened to me. But I guess I never was a real RTS...I was still me deep down...or maybe it's like that for everyone. I just don't like watching people make the same mistakes that I did. It's terrible. Usually I would have a conclusion, but I'm still thinking about this one. There's nothing I can do right now. There's nothing that I can do til monday. But do you honestly think that I could figure this out? 'Cus I know that I wont. The thing is, sometimes we know the answer, but we don't wanna admit it.

Individuality

Okay, so what do you think of when you think of individuality? I think about a bunch of things. Obviously, we think of being individuals. But there is a flaw in thinking that. It's not true. Sure, everyone STARTED as an individual, and maybe we are for a couple seconds every day, but in reality, we aren't. I say "in reality" because in non-reality, we REALLY are individuals. When we think, when we daydream, we are individuals. But the way we act....well, it's acting. We become a character in a play, anyone but ourselves. Out of fear, probably. In this modern world, we call people "individual" if they don't act like everyone else. But in truth, they are still acting. Sure, maybe their character is closer to who they were intended to be, but we can never settle for being ourselves. When I'm with people, I know that I'm not being who I am. I know that I'm being someone else. Sure, I try hard to be who I am, but I never hit the target. I could be anyone, ANYONE, but me. Maybe because it's like we're all painted on shoes. WARNING: THIS METAPHORE IS EXCEEDINGLY SAD. Okay, so maybe we are all painted on shoes. Everyone does SOMETHING to make their shoes look different, unique, but everyone copies the person in front of them. So when someone comes along and has a slightly different painted shoe, we either laugh at them because it's not in style, or we just copy them some more. So now you are probably looking for a happy ending....there is none. Because deep down, all those shoes are, are old runners. Old, torn, messed up runners. Worse, they are all the SAME. Sure, they could have been made by a shoemaker. They could of been hand made, rather than factory made. But they are still all the same. Or very similer. You have to get to know them to see that they are unique...but even then it's hard to tell. See, we aren't individuals anymore. No one is. We can try all we want and we never will be individuals. Never. It just doesn't work that way. Sure, we can be different. Sure, we can stand out. No, we can't be ourselves. The paint that we put on our shoes, it doesn't come off. Everyone has paint on their shoes, even if we didn't put it there. We all wear a mask, something keeping us from being ourselves. And that mask sucks out who we are; it replaces us. And once we have lost who we are, we can't find them again. They're gone. Forever. So people who are being "themselves" aren't. They are being a mask that is similer to who they might of been. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe there are people who are still themselves....too bad that in my perspective, these people are an hour old. But here's the up side: When we die, when we go to heaven, we will find ourselves. We will BE ourselves. Because I just can't picture any masks going into heaven, I just can't. It doesn't make sense. Therefore, we will be ourselves. There are a few times when we are ourselves on earth too...for me, it's when I'm listening to music and I can just stay in that happy place; I can stay and just listen. The same thing happens when I'm singing...it's like....it's like being nothing in a room full of happy people. The happyness just goes through me in waves and there are no bad feelings; so anger. I kinda feel the same way when I'm writing here. Sometimes I think something that gives me magic-music shivers. Even though there is no music. But you know what? Thoughts are music in it's most basic form. Thoughts are a music that can flow through us, that can turn into a feeling that touches ever part of our body. Then when it goes away....you feel refreshed. You feel happy, clear minded. Sometimes they come differently....as a sad understanding. Sometimes it makes me cry to have those little ripples of comprehension flow through me. Knowledge is a powerful thing. You can get all the answers you want and that would be knowledge. Intelligence is trickyer...it's more the questions. Wisdom is the questions within the question. They're all important, in their own way. But to me, none of them are important. I would much rather feel a thought rush through me than have a thought put in my head. Usually I can translate these feelings into words, but sometimes it's tricky. Sometimes they are too special...sometimes they are too beautiful, for my minimal comprehension to touch. For me to begin to ask about. Words only get us so far in life; eventually we have to use the glow in our eyes, the excitment radiating off our skin. Those are the thing that makes the impact, not the words that you say along with it. Now my hands are sore from all this typing. I just had to write this down. Wait a second...I have more to say. When those magic shivers go through me, it's like I'm in the lake on a wavy day. I let them consume me, assuming that sometime they will let me back up for air. Sometimes a bunch come in a row...in ripples. Other times there is one massive one throwing me under and keeping me there. But there are some that sneak up on me. Those are wonderful. But the thing that makes them like the magic shivers is that they are out of my control. I can't force them to come faster or slower. I can't control them, the world around me does. I'm not the one forcing the magic shivers, they happen because of something I heard or saw. I can't force them. I gave up on trying to. That's it, and I guess there is nothing more to say...mostly because my fingers are gonna fall off soon...and I still wanna write in my journal yet tonight. So have a good night...maybe you'll even feel a thought.

of the day junk.

of the day junk:
Quote of the Day: "Mathematics is the language with which God has written the universe."-Galileo Galilei
Number of the Day: 528
Word of the Day: Math
Question of the Day: 50/49(14n-7)+ I-nI x6/7n=86........yeah.......
Bible Verse of the Day: “What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus. Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you—guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.”- 2 Timothy 1:13-14
Book of the Day: Essential Elements 2000 for oboe....

Okay, that's all i've got for now...never mind, there must be more to say....
Math. Okay, I love math, but doesn't it bug you when you can't get a problem? When it's just a little bit out of your understanding? Well, that's what bugs me. It's not so much that I don't have the answer, it's just that I CAN'T have the answer. That's the part that irritates me. I guess it applys to a lot of different things. I mean, if I can't have something, I want it. But with a question, it's different. It's different because it's ME who's not giving me the answer. I can't blame it on anyone but myself. It's my fault that I can't have what I want. Sure, I could go get the answer from someone else, but it wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't give me the joy of knowing that I know. Because knowing that you know if different from knowing that you know because someone told you. Figuring stuff out has a way of making me feel happy. It's just that when I find out something all on my own, i can call it my own discovery. If it's someone else telling me, then it's just info, nothing more. Maybe it's just me and my messed up brain, but I need to get the answer on my own, otherwise I didn't get the answer. It's like a riddle, but not really. It's problem solving. It's figuring out what you need and getting it. I need an answer. Therefore I need answers to my questions about my question and so on. Not very many people realise how many questions are to an answer. It varys, but still, there are more questions in this world than answers. But answers are more commonly looked for. Why don't people go looking for questions?

Invisible

Okay, so I'm not sure about you, but I find that at school, I am totally and completely invisible. People don't look at me. People don't see hi to me. Actually, now that I think about it, my friends often claim that they can't see me in a classroom full of students. Then after class, they were all “I totally didn`t see you!!! where did you come from?” Which is kinda sad...I mean, my own friends sometimes can`t even see me. It`s weird. People just don’t see me. Sometimes it’s like I don’t exsist. But the strange thing is that I kinda like it. It’s nice to know that other people don’t see me. It’s nice being able to live off in my own little world. I get more chances to think outside the box...actually, more chances just to think in general. If people saw me, I would be stuck on earth all the time. This way, I can just be in my own little world; I can have my head in the clouds. And when you have your head in the clouds, you get a new perspective. Which is sadly rare these days.

Same vs. Equal

Okay, so here's the thing. People are stupid. They ALWAYS without a doubt get these two words mixed up. Same and equal. I know, I know, they are VERY similer. But that's just close...sorry, no cigar. Okay, so WHY am I blogging about this? Um, yeah...don't ask me. I don't know. I just figured it was about time someone said something. It's just that people live under some illusion that you can't be equal without being the same. That's not true. EVERYONE is equal. But you know what's sad? A lot of people are the same too. I mean, people have this irritating habbit of COPYING THE PERSON IN FRONT OF THEM. Yeah. People are sheep. But guess what? I wanna be a frog. You know, metaphorically. Not in "real" life. I mean, my brother MURDERS frogs a LOT. It's mean of him. Okay, back on topic....okay, topics are stupid...it sounds like you're saying "toe pick"...which is really funny. Okay, so back on track (and fast-forwarding through the right track, train track, left track thing) people are stupid. Okay, I know, some people might find that insulting. I'm just gonna treat that as a fact. Anyways, people can be equal, but not the same. See, people are like money. When you go to a different country, you need different money. It's not the same as the money you had, but it's still equal to it. And you need it for your situation. And sometimes one type of money looks like it's worth more, but really it's just a different curency. So, yeah. People are like money. That was the best metaphore that I could come up with for same vs. equal. Also, you know what bothers me? The fact that "same" and "sane" are just one letter off. Which could cause people to think that in order to be sane, you have to be the same. Um, no. Just no. Abnormality is a good thing...i think. I'm not totally sure. I mean, this could be quotation marks all over again. You know the whole, "Quotation marks just say other people's words and are like copy cats, but we need them to make the book make sense"....yeah. You all remember the metaphorical quotation marks. But yeah, the quotation mark theory DOES have a point. And a good one at that. We need a little bit of sameness to be able to make sense of the world. I mean, people are NATURALLY attracted to the familier. I mean, that's why they play the same songs on the radio so much, right? 'Cus the other option is that those songs are brainwashing us...which somehow, I doubt. I guess the moral of the story is that we shouldn't listen to the radio....lol. Just kidding. The moral of the story is that metaphores make way more sense than anything else.

more of the day junk...

of the day, yadda , yadda , yadda....
Song of the Day: Sweet Home Manitoba
Book of the Day: "A light in the attic" by Shell Silverstein.
Quote of the Day: "If you feel like you're under control, you're not going fast enough"-Mario Andretti.
Question of the Day: "WHY IS MY BROTHER SO MEAN???"
Word of the Day: Neuroplasticity
Number of the Day: 3

Um, yeah, that's it...

la dee da da doo...

SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm fairly happy about that, especially 'cus i can't wait to meet my new english teacher AND to get homework! Triathlon training doesn't start til october, so I'll have plenty of time to sign up for school activities! I think I'll do basketball this year. You know, on top of all my music ensembles and triathlon. But triathlon training would only be three times a week. Plus I want to do lifesaving. So I'll be busy four nights a week. Let's just say that it's good that basketball practices are DIRECTLY after school and triathlon doesn't start til seven. And it's good that rehersals for the school musical don't start til later in the year...you know, once basketball season is over. Oh, and then I have Junior Vocal Group during lunch two days a cycle, and Jazz Band twice a cycle also. I want to be in recorder ensemble again this year, but I'm not sure if I'll have time for it. But I NEED to be in recorder ensemble because if I'm not in it, it's a recorder solo. I'm serious. I'm half of that ensemble. Mostly because no one else wanted to do it. Oh, and I wanna be in a book club again this year...but that always conflicted with recorder ensemble. And recorder ensemble always conflicted with Junior Vocal Group. And if I do philosophy club, then that conflicts with jazz band. Let's just say that it's a good thing that rehersals for the musical are after school. And that basketball practice is after school. And that triathlon training isn't til the evening. I wish that JVG (junior vocal group) doesn't conflict with chess club again this year...I really wanted to be in chess club. Hmmmm....now that I think about it, I have a kinda busy life. But this year isn't gonna be as busy as last year. Probably.

Of the day junk and MORE....

First, of the day junk!
Word of the Day: Nothing
Quote of the Day: "There are only two types of people who are perfectly happy: Canadians and happy people."-me
Question of the Day: WHY CAN'T I FIND MY MP3 PLAYER???
Number of the Day: 370013
Bible Verse of the Day: 19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Book of the Day: "How to be a Real Person" by Sally Warner
Song of the Day: "Photograph" by Nickelback

Okay, so I really should say SOMETHING a LITTEL bit more interesting than the of the day junk. But I don't have anything else to say...

Of The Day junk...

Of the day junk!
Quote of the Day: "You want to know how two chemicals interact, do you ask them? No, they're going to lie through their lying little chemical teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat." -House
Question of the Day: WHERE IS MY MP3 PLAYER????
Bible Verse of the Day: "I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts."-Psalm 119: 45
Word of the Day: "Peppermint."
Number of the Day: 2 (aka concert C)
Song of the Day: "Andante" by Mozart

Okay, that's all I've got for today...

of the day junk...

of the day junk...YAY:
Book of the Day: "The World Is Flat" by Thomas L. Friedman.
Song of the Day: "Pieces" by sum41
Word of the Day: "real"....I HATE that word
Question of the Day: Why are people so stupid?
Number of the Day: 121
Quote of the Day: "If you can fake sincerity, you can fake pretty much anything."- House
Bible Verse of the Day: “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.”- Isaiah 26:3


Okay, that's it.

just a short one...

okay, I don't have much to write today...honestly, I think I'm out of thoughts...again. Okay, so the thing is, my friend thinks that I'm gonna be a scientist someday. Let's just say that chances are, I'm not. Okay, okay, so when we had to take a career testy thingy at school, my top three were Paleontologist, Marine Biologist, and Microbiologist. They are all some sort of scientist. Later down the list I had Doctor, Zoologist, and Mathematician. Um, yeah...I have got to be the ONLY teenage girl on the planet who scored "Mathematician"....lol. But so for forever, my friends have been thinking that I'm gonna be a scientist....this MIGHT be because I love all things parasites, all things animals, and all things, well, science. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I WANT TO BE A SCIENTIST! Okay, mini-rant over....um yeah, that all i've got today....

Top 10 Reasons Why I Can't Wait For School To Start

Okay, I'm bored out of my mind so I give you this!

Top 10 Reasons Why I Can't Wait Til School Starts

10) I hear that my English teacher is really nice.

9) I WANT BAND CLASS!

8) Jazz Band.

7) Junior Vocal Group

6) Musical

5) Math homework

4) English homework

3) I like school!

2) I get the good choir teacher this year.

1) HOMEWORK!!!! :)

Okay, you likely think I'm insane because I want to do homework, but I really really really really miss homework. I have no life, so I live for homework and school. I mean, what ELSE am I gonna do? Also, I have a nice busy life during the school year, and I HATE IT during the summer because I have NOTHING to do...this leads me to color code 10 copies of my schedule which I don't really need...and then go on the color code my brother's schedules for him. SEE WHAT SUMMER VACATION IS DOING TO ME???? It is causing me extreme bordom that can ONLY be caused by having to go multiple days without homework...

Fireworks/of the day junk/weird dreams/other

Okay, so yesterday I got to watch this fireworks display because it was going on at the soccer field near my house. It was amazing, and not just because they actually got good fireworks this year. It was amazing because it just always is amazing to go to an abandoned playground at 10:00 at night. It just is. Ya know why? Because it's COLD out! And I LOVE the cold. Plus it was an abandoned playground so while I waited for the fireworks to start, I could sing as loud as I wanted...it was weird, I added this part to a song that I'm writing and then it just CHANGED KEYS! It was really cool! Okay, so I see I have to put up today's "of the day" stuff:
Quote of the Day: "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"-Wayne Gretzky
Bible Verse of the Day: "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."-Romans 12:2
Word of the day: Camera (just say it!!! it's FUN to say!)
Question of the Day: If pigs really could fly, then what kind of expression would people say?Book of the Day: "The Mind & the Brain" by Jefferey M. Schwartz, M.D. and Sharon Begley.
Number of the Day: 1096....just because.

Okay, that was the "of the day" stuff. Now I'm gonna babble on about the quote of the day. Okay, so the quote was "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"....now WHY do we have that quote in the band room? Because I honestly don't get that. I mean, it would suit in the GYM but the BAND ROOM? Maybe I'm over thinking this but in music sometimes you don't play notes because YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO! Okay, I'm just gonna stop right there and not get into the whole thing...lol...i said "whole"...that makes me think of "whole rests"....which makes me think "upside down hat"....which makes me think about the super cool hat I saw online yesterday...SEE? I can't be trusted to babble because then I start sounding really rediculous! Whatever....while we are on the topic of band (we got there from...sports? gosh, I'm obsessed) I have to tell you about the FUNNIES DREAM EVER that I had last night! I had a dream that this one guy in my class who hates band was gonna be in band this year playing OBOE! And the dream was really funny because his oboe was WHITE WITH PINK POCADOTS! YAY!!! So I had a good night's sleep dreaming about pink spotted oboes. And then I had a dream about an alto sax player at my school switching to oboe...but in my dream she forgot her oboe so she had to play PRECUSSION!!! Okay, so now I'm DREAMING about band? Gosh, this is not natural....like when I was obsessed with Harry Potter I had Harry Potter related dreams EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! By this point I am likely scaring you, so I figure I should just shut up now....

More On Today's Quote

You know what's really weird? I'm just sitting here, feeling perfectly happy. And I don't even know WHY I feel so happy. The funny thing is, that's okay. I don't know why I'm blogging right now. I don't particularily care either. Hmmm...I never really got into today's "quote of the day"...I guess I could do that now. Again, here is today's quote of the day: "If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is." ~John Louis von Neumann. Okay, so I only heard this one today, when I googled "math quotes"...yes, I actually went LOOKING for a math quote. I guess what it's saying is that earthly things that are unnessary really are easy compared to life. People often say that a certain aspect of life is tricky, but imagine all those tricky things smushed together to create our lives...THAT is called complecated. Hmmmmm....life is complecated. More than complecated, it's hard. Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes life really sucks. But that just makes the good parts seem even better. Some people think that they can sum up life in a sentance. Some people think that they can sum up life in a paragraph. But you know what? I'll try to sum up life in a word: Completastic. Okay, so it isn't a "real" word, but I needed a new one. Okay, so you may have noticed that I combined "complecated" with "fantastic"...because those are the two words that describe life. Complecated but fantastic. Some people hate life. Some people love life. Some people say that the world is their playground. Some people say that the world is their science lab. I say that life is completastic and that the world is a TV show. I watch the people around me, but I kinda feel like I'm just watching. Maybe that's why I don't care about what other people think, because I don't always feel real. But you know what? That's okay. Right now, I don't care what people think. But I do feel real. Very real. The thing is, I don't live in reality.

COLORS!

Okay, so this one time during band class the teacher was talking about how some people relate certain colors with certain things...so I give you the list of how I color-coded my schedule!
Science-Green
French-Orange
Gym-Red
Social Studies-Blue
Math-Yellow
Spare-Grey
English-Pink
Speech-blueish green
Bible-Dark green
Band-Purple
Choir-Dark blue
Chapel-Dark purple


Okay, so that is my color coded school schedule....now I'll give you the colors that I relate to the months of the year!
January-Dark bluey purple
Febuary-Green
March-black
April-pink
May-sky blue
June-Watermellon pink
July-Red
August-cat barf (yeah........I don't like August much)
September-Yellow
October-Orange
November-REALLY light blue
December-White

Okay...since I'm really bored, I'm gonna tell you something kinda weird...In math class when I see numbers, I always hear them...as in they aren't numbers, they are notes in a B-flat major scale...which is kinda weird of me. And whenever I do the alarm code or whatever for my house, I always sing it....the numbers as they would be in a B-flat major scale...Which I guess is kinda weird...and then in band class, I hear notes as numbers...it's weird.....but does this happen to anyone else?

oh no...

None of my friends are in my french class. I'm gonna fail french. Not even kidding. I mean, last year I only got 87% in french overall, but that's with my friends doing all the group assignments with me...and my friends are REALLY good at french...without their help on the groupwork my grade would have been 73%. Which is REALLY bad for me. Okay, so of the day stuff:
Book of the Day: The Dictionary....
Quote of the Day: "If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is." ~John Louis von Neumann
Question of the Day: WHAT IS UP WITH THE COLOR QUESTION????
Bible Verse of the Day: "For with God nothing shall be impossible"-Luke 1:37
Number of the Day: 4. Because a) they are cute b)they are fun to draw and c) I have french four times a 6-day-cycle.
Word of the Day: "Arithmatic"....sorry, I'm just in a math mood today....


Okay, so that's all for the "of the day" junk....I think I'm out of junk to talk about...

Sorry, I'm just REALLY bored...

Okay, I lost count. Is this the third or fourth post today? Yeah, I have no life. So I'm just gonna write some poetry:
There once was a man with a dream,
To invent a new kind of ice cream.
He started with chocolate,
To put in his pocket
Then his pocket was no longer clean.

So off he went to the store,
For there they have pockets galore!
He bought just a few,
But in them was poo,
So he ended up being quite poor.

He decided to use the phone,
To talk to his friend, Lome,
They argued a bit
There was lot's of wit!
Still, he ended up getting a loan.

So then he got back to work
After waiting for his coffee to perk
He used some cat pee
To make some new tea
And that was the end of his work.



Yeah...i am THAT bored...I just wrote that now, and it's not supposed to make a whole lot of sense so don't expect to understand the deeper meaning because there is none. Anyways, I have the MOST ANNOYING LITTLE BROTHER EVER.....He was playing my oboe without my permission!!!! And it's MY oboe. That I payed for with MY OWN MONEY. My oboe costed 200 dollars!!!! PLUS I had to pay for oboe reeds! Which are so expensive! Okay, so by now you are likely not gonna read EVERYTHING that I've been babbling about today....which makes sense, I've been doing TONS of babbling today. But you know what? I'm not done with my babbling. Because I have something to say. You know how I had deleted "this" blog about a month ago? Well, I was kinda almost looking for a freash start...Is that any different from going to a new school? Because all I want right now is another chance at a first impression...Because believe it or not, EVERYONE at school thinks I'm weird...and they say that like it's a BAD thing...There is just one thing that I've never understood. Why do people say "weird" like it's BAD??? It's GOOD! It's weirdtastical!!! If anyone can answer that question, I will be amazed. Because people think that different is wrong and I don't get why that is. I mean, usually when someone calls me "weird" I say "thanks!!!"...and that irritates them SO MUCH!!! It's SO FUNNY! Because they just don't get it. They don't see how people who are weird have SO MUCH MORE FUN! But somehow, I don't want everyone to be weird...because then weird gets a normal and we're back where we started. It's not worth the effort. People are idiots and life sometimes sucks. You know what? I think that right here, right now, I'm gonna say what I think life is. Life is JUST LIKE an oboe reed. Sorry, but it's true. Because oboe reeds don't work perfectly at first, just like how it takes time for life to get going to something worth living. It takes practice to get sound to come out and even longer to get people to listen. Which is just like in life how when we are teenagers, people don't listen to us because we "aren't old enough"..I mean, I wouldn't use a fairly new reed that I'm breaking in at a concert! But eventually I DO need to use that reed. I don't know for sure, but I think that life is just like an oboe reed.

Of The Day Junk

Okay, so I'm gonna do some "of the day" stuff...Okay? So, as everyone SHOULD know (as this is my third post before lunch)
the quote of the day is: "Oboes have the right of A"
bible verse(s) of the day is: Psalm 1:1 "Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with mockers. 2 But they delight in the law of the Lord, meditating on it day and night. 3 They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season. Their leaves never wither, and they prosper in all they do. 4 But not the wicked! They are like worthless chaff, scattered by the wind. 5 They will be condemned at the time of judgment. Sinners will have no place among the godly. 6 For the Lord watches over the path of the godly, but the path of the wicked leads to destruction."
Usually I would start ranting about the deeper meaning of that, but I'd say it's fairly self-explanitory.
Song of the Day: "Where Is The Love"-by the Black-eyed Peas
Book of the Day: New Moon by Stephenie Meyer.
Instrument of the Day: OBOE!!! Because it totally has the right of A!!!

Okay, that's all of the "of the day" junk that I can think of right now...It will kinda rotate from day to day....like there will be different "of the day" stuff every day...otherwise I might run out of things to say!

Something Other Than Band

Okay, after my last post you have ever right to call me a band nerd (please, band GEEK is so marching band and band NERD is so much more concert band)....Yeah, I'm still in band-mode. So now I need to say something worth saying because I'm sure that EVERYONE knows that OBOES HAVE THE RIGHT OF A!!!....At least you should if you read my post from an hour ago. So I'm gonna make a list of why I'm weird and proud of it!

-I will randomly start screaming the number "169" into the phone...don't worry, people are actually on the phone...I don't yell into dead phones...

-I practice oboe/clarinet more than most people think possible

-I go through obsessions like crazy...Harry Potter, Band, Pickles, Sims2, Neopets, Westerblog....let's see....I think I'm finally done obsessing over things.

-I have actually yelled "THE METAPHORICAL LIME SHOES ARE GOING TO ATTACK METAPHORICAL GREENLAND AS SOON AS IT MELTS!!!" My band teacher heard and now thinks that I'm insane...but he thought that anyways...

-I own shoes with clay on them....guess who put the clay on them? Yeps, that would be me.

-I think about things that most people don't think about...(quotation marks come to mind here)

-I over-think a LOT of things...(again...quotation marks anyone?)

-I randomly know that the square root of 97969 is 313...don't ask how I know that, I just DO!

-I LOVE math...always have always will! Which explains why I spent a good few hours trying to see how far into Pi I could memorize....

-The whole thing with table legs...ask away, it's an interesting story!

-I emailed someone the word "oboe" so many times that it took 10 minutes to scroll down the page....this was a while ago....

-Mudbowl...(emily-wa, you should remember THAT email)

-I randomly rode my bike in the rain in the middle of the night for no reason in particulare.

-My obsession with shoelaces...I actually collect them...

-After reading "So Yesterday" by Scott Westerfeld, I will randomly go up to people and ask if I can take a picture of their shoe...but that isn't the weird part...I've actually asked someone that and they WEREN'T EVEN WEARING SHOES!!! Fun times, fun times...

-I read my text-books for school and randomly do math problems from the math one...

-Paint + shoes = fun!


Okay, so that's just the tip of the Q-tip, but whatever...I'll get around to writing more weird things I do later...

I'm Smiling (and ranting)

This morning I woke up and the first thing I thought was "I've got my old blog back, life is good"...my question is HOW did I get my old blog back. The thing is, when you typed it in before it said that you couldn't make a blog with this name. Yet, somehow I have my old blog back. Yesterday evening I decided I wanted to make another blog. Usually I would have gone onto my new account, but I had a feeling that I should make use of my old one. And then, just joking around to see the computer's reaction, I typed in somecoolthoughts711 to see if it would let someone make a blog called that. And it did. Even thought it wasn't supposed to. So I am so happy right now. Life is perfect. 20/20. Because lately it's been a bit more like 1/20....not even kidding, I've been keeping track. So I'm perfectly happy...I'm not sure if I've ever been this happy before. So now I need a quote for today (by the way, I'm still kinda in band camp mode so don't hold something this corny against me) so the quote is "Oboes have the right of A"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is one of my favorite quotes BECAUSE IT'S TRUE! But did the conductor GIVE us oboes the right of A??? NO! She gave the CLARINETS the right of B-FLAT!!!! And everyone knows that OBOES are supposed to tune the band to A! Well, the woodwinds anyways...And it didn't matter than THE ENTIRE OBOE SECTION wrote "Oboes have the right of A" on our stand-tages...SHE JUST IGNORED US! Maybe that's because 2/3 of the oboists were new (in other words we weren't even supposed to BE at the camp...I haven't been playing of the required year) and the other girl hadn't practiced all summer...So the oboe section kinda sucked, but STILL! IT'S TRADITIONAL for OBOES to tune the WOODWINDS! DUH! And the clarinetist played the LOWER octave B-flat...and EVERYONE knows that you're supposed to use the UPPER octave! DUH! I mean, when I played clarinet (there was no oboe in the band) I ALWAYS tuned the band (okay only the woodwinds) and I KNOW that you're supposed to play A not B-FLAT (b-flat is used to tune the brass) and either way it HAS TO BE THE UPPER OCTAVE!!! Okay....I'm gonna stop ranting now...And I'll calm down and go out of band camp mode...But you know what else rocks? I got THREE new reeds yesterday and they ALL work PERFECTLY!!! And in case you don't know, oboe reeds are really expensive (10 dollars per reed) but they are really picky...And one teeny tiny glitch could cause them not to work. And so having THREE that work is AMAZING. So I'm pretty happy. In fact, I think I'm so happy that I might clean my room today! I'm serious! But I'm perfectly happy just blogging here for the rest of my life. What else is there to rant about? OH! I have another quote from band camp! "If your weekly shower is on Saturday, could you do it tonight?"...that's what our MATHTASTICAL conductor said on thuresday, the night before the concert. Then the camp coordinator said "Sure mrs. Lee, I'll take my shower tonight"....even thought she was totally talking to the students! He was joking (I think) and it was SO FUNNY...and then there was the whole "oboe stick of death" thing that I'm not even gonna get into...Let's just say that there was a lot of talk of ninjas and samurais...not even kidding...if you can guess WHY that would be, I want to hear your theories. Because they are likely wrong. No one could POSSIBLY guess why the conductor told us to be a samarai...this lead to the oboe section giggling about oboe sticks of death...and cowboys...I would try to explain that, but I don't get that one either. Okay so now I should try to get some thoughts going...even thought I just woke up half an hour ago. Rain. It's raining outside...I'm getting magical shivers right now....the kind you get from music...Because "the rain dribbles a musical song...a whole orchestra of music. The thunder applauds it, the lightening takes its picture. Some people love the summers rays, but I perfer a rainy day..." That's part of my poem that I wrote forever ago...but I can remember that. I can't remember the other verses, except this one "The winds thrashes the trees, showing their freedom. Sometimes freedom can kill things, but if life doesn't end it will always be old and never be new. Some people love the summer's rays but I prefer a rainy day"..........why do I remember these two verses in particulare? Probably because I agree with them the most. Maybe someday I'll find that poem again. Because poetry is meant to be found, not hidden. Wow....that was amazing. Okay, I've got to end this post here, but try to remember something. That life sucks sometimes and sometimes you feel kinda dead. But really, I think that sometimes us acorns have to be replanted into another pot so that we can continue growing. And so maybe that can be a little destructive, but it creates new life in us and new opportunities. On that note (I'd say it was more like a 1, 4, 5, 8, in concert B-flat, but that's just me) I'll go and eat breakfast...maybe...actually I want to clean my room...

Just Me Again

You might be surprised to find this blog here...the truth is, I missed it like hell. I hope everyone sees this. I have a quote for today..."Freedom has a way of destroying things"-Specials by Scott Westerfeld...yeah, I've used it before, but now let's think this through. Does freedom have a way of destroying things? In a way I think "yeah...I would know"...mostly because I am such an expert at ruining my own life. But is it REALLY our freedom that destroys things? Are we really, truly free? The thing is, there is a lot of sin in the world. And sin is a chain. So as long as we are living in a sinful world, are we free? I would say that the answer is no. Simply because we aren't free til we die and go to heaven. We are trapped inside our earthly bodies and inside our own sin. We aren't free. We are surrounded by people...none of us are free. Maybe the greatest freedom in life is the one freedom that we so often deny ourselves...the freedom to be ourselves. When we are ourselves, do we destroy things? Yes. But the truth is, I've destroyed a whole lot more as someone else than as myself. And you know what? I made a list about what I learned today, so here it is:
1) I can be stubborn...really stubborn
2) The phrase "I don't know" is just a stupid person's way of avoiding the truth
3) Oboe reeds only cost 10 dollars...not 15.
4) I can wear skinny jeans and look good in them!
5) Protesting books made into movies is a REALLY stupid idea.
6) That not having thoughts in my head is VERY unsettling.
7) How to spell "mathematicain".
8) 2 more ways to use a nail-board thingy
9) That my better judgment is kind of non-exsistent.
10) That I've said some mean things that I now find are insulting ME.
11) That depressing music actually puts me in a good mood (but i kinda already knew that)
12) That the number 12 isn't really stalking me...I've been stalking it.
13) That I have GOT TO read my Bible more...if you find a verse on being yourself, let me know...
14) Sometimes people change and it's scary. Very scary.
15) Social Studies class sucks...not even kidding.
16) That most stores at the mall actually have really good music.
17) Math is stupid.
18) School Schedules really aren't that exciting.
19) When you don't follow your heart, it might deside to pull you along anyways.
20) That I've always been a robot to society at heart...always will be.

I don't agree with all the things I learned and you know what? I don't have to. I don't agree that I'm a robot to society at heart...definetly on the surface, but not at heart. At heart, I am most definetly a.....well, I don't know what I am at heart. All I know is that I love God no matter what. It doesn't matter what the world says to me, I'll just suck it up and go in whatever direction I feel like going. And you know what? I feel so happy right now...I feel at home. Because I used to have a blog just like this, but I deleted it. And I regret that decision. So I'm trying to fix it. From this moment on, I'm gonna not screw up my life more than neccessary. Here me, when I say that for now on I'm just gonna be myself!!! That for now on, the world has no hold on me...that I'm FREE! And guess what? This freedom is not gonna destroy things. This freedom is from God, and so all it's gonna destroy is evil! Right now, I'm so happy that I could fly! So live life, have fun, but at the same time, constantly search for something more...because you know what? You just might find it.